Do you ever have those moments in life that make you think: how did I get here? When you look back on the sequence of events that led you to the life you are living today, do they line up? Do they make sense to you? Do you believe it was all chance that lead you to this moment? Was it the product of your own hard work? Or was it a bit of both? Ask yourself: am I happy here?
At a workshop I went to years ago they asked all of us to write down the top ten accomplishments of our lives so far. What I came up with was interesting to me. As a goal oriented person, I find that as soon as I reach a goal i’m on to the next one, rarely taking a moment to absorb what I’ve accomplished. In previous years I reasoned that there is always room to grow, so if you spend too long patting yourself on the back you might get left behind. I found myself not enjoying anything I accomplished as I was so focused on what was still to come. Now, to have to sit in a workshop and actively write down 10 accomplishments I was consciously proud of? At that moment, I felt I hadn’t really done much worth mentioning, but as everyone around me was busily writing shit down, I had to think hard to find something.
At that moment in time I was proud that I had:
1. Asserted myself in a family situation I wasn’t happy in and left my mother to live with my Dad and his family
2. Gone into public school in Grade 10, after being home schooled since Grade 2, and passed all my courses
3. Graduated highschool and was accepted into the UBC Kinesiology program
4. Was hired at lululemon (after reapplying five times and going to three group interviews)
5. Being promoted to head merchandiser of the Oakridge lululemon.
6. Ran my first 10K
7. Graduated from UBC and started my own personal training business
8. Bought my first new car
9. Ran my first half marathon
10. Had been self employed for five years and supported myself financially
This list made me feel happy in that moment I wrote it. I wasn’t a total failure at life! I had a few things to write down. Sure, I had goals for the future, but it was nice to look back and realize how hard I had worked to get to where I was. The best part about that list was that it wasn’t for anyone but me. I didn’t have to feel embarrassed about how my list compared to others; it was simply a list of things I had done that made me proud of myself.
Since that day, I have continued to goal set. I’ve achieved 90% of the goals I have written down in the last 10 years. I cannot stress to you enough how powerful your mindframe is in this game of life. If you believe you can do something, you can. So write it down and work backwards through the steps you need to set to get there.
When we reach major transitions in our lives, it’s a nice exercise to examine how we got to where we are. From there, we can start consciously thinking about where we want to go and we can be open to a variety of different paths that might lead us there. There is a flow that begins when you start programming goals into your subconscious mind. We could dig far deeper into this, but for now let’s just touch on the fact that the more you believe in yourself the more you can do.
People who know me well know I am a sucker for Peter Pan and I think that’s because it touches on the unjaded beliefs we have in childhood and the magic of the unknown. As adults, we can become jaded as we end up in unhappy places and feel stuck in our negative reality of the moment. We start to think, “is this it?” Change can feel overwhelming and needs to happen gradually; we can’t run away every time things make us feel uncomfortable or unhappy. What we can do is sit with these emotions and contemplate how we to set ourselves up to live a more full life. Perhaps a surprising choice, but Eminem’s song Lose Yourself captures exactly what I’m trying to say:
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?
What do you want out of your life? Do you have a vision? If you do, I encourage you to write it down and then believe and trust you can achieve it. Why not live life this way? As Peter Pan says, “the moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease to be able to do it.” Yes, it will scare the shit out of you, but isn’t in the really scary moments that we feel the most alive? And yes, I did just quote Eminem and Peter Pan back to back. They both speak the truth: you have to believe in your dreams. What’s the point of life if you don’t?
I challenge you to spend some time thinking about your top ten accomplishments thus far in life. Nothing is too small to write down; if it was significant to you and your journey and it makes you feel proud of yourself, write it down. Once you complete your list I challenge you to take some time in the next week to meditate on what you desire in your life.
There are many meditations that work, but this is one that resonates with me the most:
Magic meditation
1. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position; make sure you will be warm and undistracted throughout.
2. Take 5 deep breaths, deep into your lungs.
3. Continue to focus by guiding yourself through 5 more deep breaths. Breathe in for 4 counts – hold for 1 count – breathe out for 4 counts – pause for 1 count. Repeat.
4. Return to normal breathing and draw your attention inward. Do a body scan; try to release any parts of your body that are tight or tense by taking a few more breaths.
5. Continue to breathe as you focus your attention on the point in the middle of your forehead. Then keeping your eyes closed imagine looking forward two inches (this is known as your third eye).
6. Visualise a blank TV screen that is grey and fuzzy. Think about the most ideal version of your life and start to let those images come up into the screen. Imagine you have magical abilities, and you can have anything you wanted. You can feel any way you wanted to feel. You can have anything you wanted to have. Let images of this life come onto the TV screen as if you were changing the channel.
7. Allow these images to come spontaneously into your awareness. Don’t try to make any particular images occur; let them appear for themselves.
8. Some images will point to areas of interest or abilities you have which you have not yet fully expressed. Others will show you how your life could be if you focused your energy in specific areas (career, family, love, friends). Some images might make total sense and others you might not see the significance of at all.
9. When this flow of association starts to slow, focus on the images that had the most meaning or are lingering in your consciousness.
10. Slowly allow yourself to come back to consciousness.
11. Reflect on what you can do to bring these lingering interests and abilities alive in your life though your words and actions. Give this contemplative part at least 10 minutes. Write out some new goals to take you towards your ideal life.
Look within and stir a sense of desire within yourself. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Believe that, and start taking small steps towards your ideal life.
Let me know how it goes!
